mess

Something was made clear yesterday so that I have difficulty breathing because of the stress.

I had been working strictly for hundreds of things since I came back Japan; working at the gallery, studying, taking tests, applying to the university and making portfolio, applying the visa, making insurance contract ,meeting as many friends as possible because I don't wanna loose the bonds of friendship, and so.

At the same time, I was getting to feel really exhausted so that started wishing to have a break in somewhere. It should not be in my tiny room at my parents house, and I don't want to be alone because most of this year I've been alone in my room with loneliness so much.

It sounds stupid and too much expression though I seriously thought that staying Manchester for a while will be my lifesaver because I know some places and people there. I just imagined that if I could go to there first, I would feel as if 'Everything will be fine' finally before the busy days in London start, I'd be able to breathing easier.

Being relax for a while, and getting energy to start the other step of my life.

Now, I found out that it's not gonna be happen.

This is so shocking, my hope was destroyed.

Anyways, I'm really sad and disappointed, what I can do is be positive and organize something.

Because nobody won't help me.

Because life is not difficult.

As a first step, I need to accept the fact that how much selfish I am.